I found this old Yahoo conversation from my archives. I have to admit, my responses to “Cherry” weren’t entirely original, as anyone who has seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off will attest. This is about the funniest thing that happened to me in 2005. I still don’t know where “Cherry” was really from.
cherry collin: Hi
cherry collin: am cherry
me: hi
me: Al here
cherry collin: am cherry
me: whats up?
me: is that all you are going to say?
cherry collin: no
cherry collin: whats ur name?
me: Al
cherry collin: nice name
cherry collin: where are u from?
me: NJ, USA
me: you?
cherry collin: manchester UK
me: how old are you
cherry collin: 27
cherry collin: u?
me: 32
cherry collin: whats ur email let me send u my pic
me: (censored)
me: did you see mine in my profile?
cherry collin: yes
cherry collin: have u seen my pics
me: i saw one... but if you want to send more, that is cool
cherry collin: k
cherry collin: i still have more
me: i have more too if you want to see
cherry collin: yes
me: hold on
me: email address?
cherry collin: yes
me: what is your email address?
cherry collin: cherry_collin2005@hotmail.com
me: ty
cherry collin: no use this
me: use what?
About 15 minutes later...
me: don’t want to talk anymore?
cherry collin: no
me: okay
cherry collin: am not happy tonight
me: i’m sorry
me: i hope i didn’t cause it
cherry collin: i was just thinking about my dad
me: i see.
me: is he ok?
cherry collin: he is dead
me: i’m sorry
me: i’d like to ask why you started talking to people tonight if you are feeling upset, though
cherry collin: i just thought of him now
me: ok
cherry collin: he died some months ago
me: well...
me: do you want to talk about it?
cherry collin: yes coz i trust u as my friend
me: why do you trust me as a friend? you don’t even know me
cherry collin: yes
cherry collin: but my mind is trusting u
cherry collin: i have not lied ever we started chatting
cherry collin: am an open minded woman
me: ok
cherry collin: its on my profile
me: okay
cherry collin: they are owing dad some amount of money, now they have agreed to pay but they want me to open an account in US where the money can be transferred to
me: ohhhhh ok... i think i get it now
cherry collin: ?
me: you want me to open a bank account for you, so you can put your money in there... and then you pay me a fee for doing that, right?
cherry collin: yes
me: ah.
me: and you are from the UK?
cherry collin: yes
cherry collin: they said it must be an account from Bank of America or Wells Fargo
me: and the British government owes your father money?
cherry collin: not the british govt
cherry collin: a small company in germany
me: why dont they just fork over the cash to your father's estate?
cherry collin: estate?
me: why don’t they give the money to your father's next of kin?
cherry collin: that’s me
cherry collin: and they want to
cherry collin: but they insist i open the account
cherry collin: so there US representative will do the transfer
me: why don’t you just open an account yourself?
me: actually... i do think i will do it for you... i trust you
me: i happen to have an account you can use
cherry collin: so do it
cherry collin: it can be done online
cherry collin: i should be from Wells Fargo
me: ok. but there is a condition on your part that must be fulfilled first
cherry collin: whats thats?
me: for security purposes, i must ask you to produce a corpse
cherry collin: corpse
cherry collin: ?
me: yes
me: i must verify that your father is in fact dead... so i must see the corpse
cherry collin: ok would u come over to UK?
cherry collin: and we will both go to the cemetery
me: well, you are visiting, right? just roll his old bones over here, and we can begin the transaction
cherry collin: see
cherry collin: i can’t come without this money
cherry collin: i depend on it
me: borrow the money from someone, and i will pay it back
me: if you can use a shovel, you can dig up the body and bring it here
cherry collin: but that’s illegal
cherry collin: i can go to jail for that
cherry collin: but if u insist i will try
me: you are his next of kin, the body is your property
me: what you can do is cut the body into sections and put them into a suitcase
cherry collin: but there is no hope to borrow the money except u give it to me
me: ok then... just send me a hand in the mail, along with a strand of your hair... once i verify the DNA match, we can proceed
cherry collin: sorry
cherry collin: i can't do all this
cherry collin: if u are willing to help
me: you can’t just dig up his body and cut off the hand to send to me? it’s not that hard
cherry collin: do so not all this blabbing
cherry collin: moreover am taking the whole risk
cherry collin: am sending money to who i have not seen
cherry collin: am taking the big risk
me: well, i’m taking a risk too, which is why i need verification
me: just taking security precautions
cherry collin: but i can’t meet all that
cherry collin: or would u like to talk to me on phone
me: actually, i think i’m going to step away from this deal... good luck
There were parts that I cut out for the sake of the reader’s boredom. I hope to have more of these to post in the near future. If anyone out there knows Cherry Collins, could you find out how she could misspell her own last name?
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